It’s that time of year again.
When the colorful lights decorate homes and city streets, store fronts are invitingly decked out with festive cheer, the cold nights draw in tempting you to indulge in some guilt free consumption of comfort food and warming alcohol, and for some reason, it’s the time of year when people start buying the craziest of things.
People who may have been, for the previous 11 months, totally normal now make it their mission to find and purchase items for friends, family members and co-workers, spending their hard earned dollars or pounds on useless and unwanted gifts that will be relocated to a basement, utility room or dusty drawer come December 26th.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a scrooge. In fact, I am one of the biggest suckers out there for anything that seems vaguely Christmassy – my tree goes up in November! But what happened to “it’s the thought that counts”? It seems that nowadays the stores bombard us with so many items and pressure to buy that any gift is better than no gift at all, despite the fact that we probably all reached the point of not really needing anything a long time ago.
I was reminded of this fact when the Christmas Catalogues started pouring into my mail box. I started flicking through some of them and was absolutely amazed – and pretty entertained – by some of the gift ideas on offer. Here are a few of my favourites. And remember, someone somewhere was paid to go to work, sit at their desk, and invent these products in the hope of getting them under your tree this Christmas…
1. Snowball/ Snow Block Maker Set
For only $14.95 you can take the fun completely out of snowball fights with this useful gadget.
No more frozen hands preparing your icy weapons, this handy kit also shaves valuable hours off constructing the snow blocks for your Christmas ice house. I’m currently splitting my time between Nashville and Atlanta so this would be really good for all those snowy days!
2. Cell Phone Sanitizer
Christmas is a time for catching up with family, friends and loved ones.
Don’t let it also be a time for catching germs.
This battery-powered sanitizer is a carefree way of erasing the memory of the unimaginably unsanitary places your cell phone and bluetooth devices have been in the last 11 months.
3. Her Majesty’s Umbrella
Want to give a gift of royal quality?
Look no further than this genuine HRH Queen Elizabeth-approved plastic umbrella.
Featuring “easy opening and closing, and black regal trim”, this gift will bring a touch of class to your festivities this year.
It’s not quite as good as Mary Poppins’ umbrella which allows you to fly, but those are out of stock!
(Please note: regal looking senior citizen not included)
4. The Light Show Music Player
Who needs fancy stereo sound systems, or expensive firework extravaganzas, when all your party is waiting for is this state of the art music player.
Your guests will be high on party atmosphere as they experience the “dazzling light show”, and measuring in at “no larger than a box of tissues” you know you’re going to get the sound quality your Christmas event deserves.
No one gets left out at this party – The Light Show Music Player comes fully equipped with a remote control so you can DJ from the dance floor. Or just switch to the built in AM/FM function and let someone else do the work while you dance the night away.
5. The Hands Free Wine Aerator
The Holidays can be such a stressful time – people visiting day and night, and a huge pressure to be the perfect host.
The Hands Free Wine Aerator takes the hassle out of entertaining for the host that wants to get hammered with their guests while still enjoying the subtle bouquet of aerated wine.
No longer will you have to worry about being sober enough to hold your favorite bottle of wine vertically upright, this hands free decanter does all the work, leaving you more time for what’s really important at Christmas – drinking yourself horizontal.
6. The iPhone Controlled Ball Dropping Bomber
Ever feel weighed down by excess bills in your wallet or get that bloated feeling in your bank account?
Get instant relief and feel $129.95 lighter when you purchase the iPhone Controlled Ball Dropping Bomber. This christmas you can drop ball bombs on your nearest and dearest.
(this does actually look like fun!)
7. The Direct To iPhone/iPod Scanner
In this digital age everyone agrees that those magical moments are best viewed on a 3 x 2 inch screen. But don’t stop at photos taken with your iPhone only – this Direct To iPhone/iPod Scanner allows you to take any picture and scan it into your phone, cleverly reducing the size and quality of the photo.
And how about all those recipes you’ve been collecting that are piling up, or the unmanageable number of business cards we all have to organize? Now those too can easily take care of all your iPhone’s spare storage. In fact, you can scan anything so long as it’s no bigger than 4×6.
This handy extra-bag-required-sized accessory is the perfect gift for the person in your life who loves those “impromptu scanning sessions” and let’s face it, it’s not a party till you scan something!
8. The Backpack Vacuum
Surprise someone you love this Christmas with the gadget all home-makers have been waiting for.
No longer will you have to drag around the heavy and bulky plastic container of filth collected from your home, you can strap all the dirt, grime, toe nail clippings etc onto your back!
Why rely on the wheels of a regular vacuum cleaner when your own back can take the strain?
(might be quite good for playing Ghostbusters!)
9. The Talking 30 Language Translator
Learning a new language can be overly time consuming. The modern global jet-setter simply doesn’t have time to be rifling through phrase books every time they’re in a new country.
Now you don’t have to with The Talking 30 Language Translator.
Unlike its $3.99 iPhone app competitors, which unhelpfully also translate photographed words, this sleek 1985-styled device can be the envy of your fellow travelers for only $249.95.
When you pull this out in some exotic location, the first question you receive may translate as ‘don’t they have the internet where you’re from?’
10. The Two Story Inflatable Reindeer
No home is complete without some Christmas decoration, and what could be more impressive than this tasteful Two Story Inflatable Reindeer?
For under $400 you can make your home the talk of the street. Or surprise the recipient of this gift, and let their holiday guests enjoy literally seconds of amusement.
(I really want one of these! Or at least a house with a garden big enough to host him!)
And remember not to forget your furry friend this holiday season…
The Only Outdoor Heated Cat Shelter
Make your cat feel loved this year by buying its own outdoor heated shelter. Even better than allowing ‘Fluffy’ indoors on a cold wintry day, the Outdoor Heated Cat Shelter gives your cat a feeling of independence whilst protecting it in all weather conditions.
If you enjoyed reading about these Top 10 Christmas Gift Items and would like to know where you can buy any of them from, it might be time to have a long hard think about things!
I hope you and yours have a happy, fun and wonderful Christmas!